August 26, 2009

The Elephant (and the Badger) in the Bathtub

As Team Do-Ho rockets even further to the top of the Fantasy Football League rankings, Team Badger seems to be going nowhere fast. Do-Ho can't help but feel a bit awkward over her friend's misfortune and had been avoiding the topic altogether but finally decided that the issue needed to be addressed. Here's a brief reenactment:

Do-Ho: Um Badger? Your team is doing horribly.

Badger (we can't see him because he lives in England, but one imagines him puttering in a garden somewhere): Early days, early days.

Do-Ho: Well actually, it's not. We've been at this for weeks now, and your team just gets worse all the time. Aren't you worried?

Badger (at this point, carefully pruning some rose bushes): My dear Do-Ho, it's a marathon--not a sprint.

Do-Ho: Either way, you're practically in last place! Don't you think you should do something?

Badger (at this point, wearing a smoking jacket and reclining on the divan): Not to worry. Am doing some fine tuning. Tweaking, as it were. Cheerio.

Do-Ho: Okaaaaaaayyy...

There was an interesting article on the Internet (and this has absolutely nothing to do with Badger's team standings) about British male passengers aboard the Titanic. Apparently, their unflappability helped lead to their demise. After helping women and children into the lifeboats, they then

"went to the back of the boat to have a cigar, to stand around and be chummy, while basically the boat went down".

Just an interesting note for you history buffs.


Anonymous said...

By contrast the antipodean Koala (surely no coincidence that this little fellow is found on the exact opposite point of the globe to England) actually SURVIVES similar traumatic events, exactly BECAUSE of his own unflappability.

Apparently (according to doctors, architects and other learned professionals) the humble Koala is so stupid that even though its entire habitat, and indeed some of its limbs, may be burning in inferno around him, he simply doesnt comprehend that he's in mortal danger, so doesnt flap about it, and doesnt die. Most of his fellow outback creatures you see actually die from stressy heart-failure and the like, rather than burns or smoke inhalation. The unflappable Koala simply breezes through, and lives (albeit with some singe marks to tell the grand-koalas about)... and THAT, is a true story.

Koalas also like doughnuts. By the way...

Who is Do-Ho? said...

Dear Anonymous, Thank you for your informative comment. With today being the first day of the school year for most students, and with your impressive vocabulary, you must be starting at least the 6th or 7th grade. Stay in school! If you do someday you will have an important job, like curing cancer or managing a fantasy soccer league.

Anonymous said...

Oh Do Ho... I would like to stay in school, however sadly the law doesnt permit me to be within 300 yards of such establishments... or Kwik-E-Cheeze outlets.

Doughnut shops arent on the list though. Thank the good Lord for loophole mercies...

Who is Do-Ho? said...

Dear Anonymous Badger,
1) Stop quoting "The Hangover".
2) Your team still sucks!