Donut Excursion: Beverly Hills -- No Donuts Found, Jessica Alba Sighting

It's easy to think that people in Beverly Hills have it all. But today's failed donut excursion to visit Fritelli's Doughnuts revealed just the opposite! Not only is Fritelli's now a vacant storefront, but even two hours of donut detective work with friend Michelle revealed not a single donut establishment within walking distance of Rodeo Drive. The story just gets worse...

We walked up to Darren, below, and asked him for help in our quest. A flicker of pain crossed his face. "I gave up donuts," he explained. "I lost 40 pounds." Do-Ho never likes to judge, but one wonders, Is a lifetime of sacrifice really worth a few pants sizes? As we walked away, he muttered softly, "I'm going to have to tell myself the rest of the day, 'No donuts. No donuts.'"


Darren pointed us in the direction of Whole Foods down the street, so off we went. Unfortunately when we got to the bakery there, we were told by both fellows below that they had no donuts.
They suggested we try Beverly Hills Market and Deli. When we arrived, to our horror we found nothing but packaged donuts gathering dust. Here is Michelle, forcing a smile for the camera but in reality close to fainting from hunger and near tears from disappointment.
Next, we saw Jessica Alba crossing the street. Look how thin she is! The poor girl needs some donuts.
Here she is again, with her husband Cash Warren (what a cutie patootie!) up ahead carrying their baby Honor (far right). And by the way, whoever said actresses can't eat frozen yogurt and cross the street at the same time? As you can see, she's doing an outstanding job. We love you Jessica! We also love that you let your hubby tend to the rugrat while you enjoy your fro-yo. A girl has to have priorities!

We thought we had struck gold when we spotted a sign that said "Crumbs Bake Shop". But inside, a friendly employee named Kris said that no, despite the deceptive name there were no donuts for sale at Crumbs. He tried to force us to buy cupcakes instead, which we vehemently opposed. However when sweet treats with names like "Red Velvet", ""Apple Cobbler", "Cosmo" and "Cappuccino" were dangled in front of our pinched and starving faces, we were powerless to resist.
With a box of cupcakes in hand to eat later, we finally called an official end to the Beverly Hills donut excursion and ordered up a hearty breakfast at Jack and Jill's (which by the way, became famous for its banana cream pudding after Jessica Alba was quoted in a magazine saying how much she loved it).
Here is Michelle digging her teeth into a massive omelet concoction. Sometimes, a bump in the road can end on a positive note.
But let us never forget the poor folk of Beverly Hills, California who live a donutless existence. It just goes to show that you can have a pile of money in the bank and still not be wealthy.